Flicking the Bean?

If I asked you off of the top of your head to list as many ways as you could think of to say ‘male masturbation,’ how many do you think you could come up with? 5? 10? 20?

How about ‘female masturbation’?  I can only think of one: ‘flicking the bean’ (if you know more, please leave them in the comments, I’d love to learn them!).

What does that say about us as a culture?  For starters, it implies we’re far more comfortable talking about, joking about, and acknowledging male masturbation as a normal, necessary, and natural thing than we are female masturbation.  Women aren’t culturally supposed to masturbate.  Or it’s (wrongly) assumed that we don’t, or don’t want to.    

There are endless ways in which this stereotype robs us of our power to live open, authentic, pleasurable lives. For starters, it shrouds the ability to give ourselves pleasure in shame.  Think about that for a second.   Something that makes us feel good, relaxes us, helps us learn about our bodies, eases menstrual cramps, and even helps us sleep is used to shame us if we admit that we enjoy it?!  It’s culturally seen as so shameful and so removed from women, that we barely even have the words to talk about it in relation to our bodies.  Yet it’s a joked about and acknowledged past time for nearly any 13 year old boy.  

To take that power back, we have to talk about our desire for sexual pleasure, to normalise it and end the shame and stigma around it.  To talk about the fact that yes, indeed, we women masturbate. We like sex. We want better sex. Some of us want more or less sex.  Some of us masturbate until we can barely stand up, and some of us don’t very often at all.  Sometimes we don’t want to.  But we’re equally as entitled to want it, to talk about it, to joke about it, to think about it as every man.  So, I’ll go first: I love masturbating.  And I hope that as we develop this site, you’ll join us to learn about and explore what brings YOU pleasure in  a new way, and if you feel comfortable, to contribute to a community of open minded, life-long learners who want to change the conversation around women’s pleasure

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