If you’re finding it hard to talk to your partner/s about what you like in bed, don’t worry, you’re not alone. We all know how important it is, but that doesn’t make it easy. You might be worried about hurting their feelings or them thinking you’re weird. It can feel very vulnerable and VERY awkward, especially with someone new or who you’re really into. To make it a little easier, try a technique called reframing – which essentially just means looking at it from a different, more helpful perspective.
We often see talking about sex with our partner/s as A Big, Scary Deal. But it what if it wasn’t? What if there was no reason to think of it any differently than asking your partner/s, ‘What are you hungry for tonight?’ Ultimately, there’s no legitimate reason for it to feel any different, other than society tells us to. So here’s how we’re choosing to reframe the conversation and think of our sexual likes and dislikes in a new way: Sexual preferences are like pizza.
Yes, pizza. Your partner/s might have different preferences to you, but at the end of the day, you both like pizza. (Almost everybody likes pizza!) So sometimes you might order the toppings you want, sometimes you might order what they want. Sometimes you might split it half and half or get individual pizzas. That’s all ok. It doesn’t mean that if you like different things you can never eat pizza together – unless you find that certain toppings are a deal breaker for you and in the long run you’d be better suited to sharing a pizza with someone else who loves shrimp and pineapple on their pizza too (I know they’re out there). But in a way, the fact that you might not be into the ‘toppings’ they like is actually quite exciting! It means you can experience different things and explore together. Plus you know what they say about foods you hate – try a little taste, you might like it. 😉
Ultimately, the only way to find out if you like the same things on your pizza is to put it out there. So next time you want to talk to your partner more about what you do and don’t like and all of those ‘What if they think…?’ thoughts start creeping up, and it starts to feel like A Big Scary Deal – reframe it and tell yourself, it’s not a big deal. It’s no bigger than pizza toppings. We all like what we like, and that’s ok. Hopefully it lightens the load a little so you can approach talking about it with less fear and judgement – for both yourself and your partner/s.